This year, an unnamed Elf began paying my daughter a visit every morning. On the first morning, the elf whispered to me that she was very sad because her rotten elf parents never gave her a name.
Wanting to help, I asked my little girl: “what should we name this elf?!?… THE ELF?!?… ELFVIS?!?!… ELFVIRA?!?!” Without even giving my dadjoke names a courtesy fake laugh or smirk, she replied: “mmmm, how ‘bout Rosanna?!”
BOOM! Just like that, it all clicked. Rosanna the Elf had an identity and my two year-old daughter could continue her obsession with a 37 year-old Toto song. The lyrics “all I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is see your eyes. Rosanna, Rosanna” finally made sense.
Rosanna’s beautiful blues are wondrous… They make it easy to forget that she’s a creepbag Peeping Tom on a mission to snitch on us to Santa.

Pictured here are #RosannaTheElf’s first four visits. I’ve never lived with an elf before, but I was beginning to think Rosanna was an unenthusiastic, snoozer-elf who lacked creativity. I decided to give her a pep talk. I told her to live life to the fullest and to make herself at home here.




We woke up to Rosanna dominating Michael Jordan in a game of one-on-one, all but cementing the order of basketball’s G.O.A.T. list.
1.) Rosanna the Elf.
2.) Michael Jeffrey Jordan.
3.) Kobe Bryant.
4.) Allen Iverson
5.) Shaquille O’Neal
6.) Scottie Pippen
7.) Hedo Turkoglu
8.) Lebron James


Right from the get-go, Rosanna won over the hearts of our two pooches…

Talk about shocked, Spanky usually hates baths! I guess not anymore as long as Rosanna’s gentle, toy-building fingers are doing the washing.






I then ordered her to take a bath in steaming hot holy water before tucking her into bed. I made her pinky-swear on both of her mittens that my precious child would never know about this freakydeeky night of hers.
Unbullievabull!!! I caught Scottie’s sneaky little ass trying to come over after the club, even though he knew his wife was grounded. #absoluteBULLShit


On Christmas Eve night, they packed up their basketball and Scottie hopped onto Rosanna’s back. With nothing more than a tiny giggle from Rosanna, the couple took flight and were gone. They shot through the crisp December air like a whistling dart, on their journey back home to the North portion of my master bathroom linen closet.
P.s. after Christmas 2020, I may have to ask Santa if Rosanna can permanently move in with us. My daughter has asked and talked about Mrs. Pippen multiple times a day, every day that I have spent with her since Christmas.
2021 may see Rosanna expanding her role as a snitch into…
- Rosanna the Ball Dropping NYE Elf
- Rosanna the MLK Day Elf
- Rosanna the Love Dart Shooting Sister of Cupid
- Rosanna the St. Patrick’s Day Leprechaun
- Rosanna the Easter Elf
- Rosanna the Tequila Trashed Cinco de Mayo Bimbo Elf
- Rosanna the sister of Uncle Sam Independence Day Elf
- Rosanna the “I’m dressing up as an Elf for Halloween” Elf
- Rosanna the Bonnet Wearing Pilgrim Woman Elf
- and most importantly, Rosanna the Security Guard Elf. This will explain her attendance for all of the days in-between holidays, before December arrives.
Toodles.
Published: 1/11/2020. Copyright © 2020 TheDadaDADiest.com
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