This year, an unnamed Elf began paying my daughter a visit every morning. On the first morning, the elf whispered to me that she was very sad because her rotten elf parents never gave her a name.
Wanting to help, I asked my little girl: “what should we name this elf?!?… THE ELF?!?… ELFVIS?!?!… ELFVIRA?!?!” Without even giving my dadjoke names a courtesy fake laugh or smirk, she replied: “mmmm, how ‘bout Rosanna?!”
BOOM! Just like that, it all clicked. Rosanna the Elf had an identity and my two year-old daughter could continue her obsession with a 37 year-old Toto song. The lyrics “all I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is see your eyes. Rosanna, Rosanna” finally made sense.
Rosanna’s beautiful blues are wondrous… They make it easy to forget that she’s a creepbag Peeping Tom on a mission to snitch on us to Santa.
We woke up to Rosanna dominating Michael Jordan in a game of one-on-one, all but cementing the order of basketball’s G.O.A.T. list. 1.) Rosanna the Elf. 2.) Michael Jeffrey Jordan. 3.) Kobe Bryant. 4.) Allen Iverson 5.) Shaquille O’Neal 6.) Scottie Pippen 7.) Hedo Turkoglu 8.) Lebron James
Right from the get-go, Rosanna won over the hearts of our two pooches…
Talk about shocked, Spanky usually hates baths! I guess not anymore as long as Rosanna’s gentle, toy-building fingers are doing the washing.
Unbullievabull!!! I caught Scottie’s sneaky little ass trying to come over after the club, even though he knew his wife was grounded. #absoluteBULLShit
P.s. after Christmas 2020, I may have to ask Santa if Rosanna can permanently move in with us. My daughter has asked and talked about Mrs. Pippen multiple times a day, every day that I have spent with her since Christmas.
2021 may see Rosanna expanding her role as a snitch into…
Rosanna the Ball Dropping NYE Elf
Rosanna the MLK Day Elf
Rosanna the Love Dart Shooting Sister of Cupid
Rosanna the St. Patrick’s Day Leprechaun
Rosanna the Easter Elf
Rosanna the Tequila Trashed Cinco de Mayo Bimbo Elf
Rosanna the sister of Uncle Sam Independence Day Elf
Rosanna the “I’m dressing up as an Elf for Halloween” Elf
Rosanna the Bonnet Wearing Pilgrim WomanElf
and most importantly, Rosanna the Security Guard Elf. This will explain her attendance for all of the days in-between holidays, before December arrives.